Say What? Overheard on the Plane Edition 19

Welcome to another Saturday edition of Overheard on the Plane.

Check out Say What? Overheard on the Plane Editions 1-18 and of course keep sending in your stories for future posts to adam@pointmetotheplane.com. Remember to include the carrier and route as well as any other pertinent details and sources.

Submitted by Tracy T

Southwest Ticket Counter @ Las Vegas (LAS)
This happened to my brother this morning at LAS and was communicated to me via text message:
At the Southwest ticket counter, in line to check luggage.  Lady is complaining about the long line to check bags and how the other airlines (lines) are shorter.
Southwest employee: Ma’am you are welcome to fly with them and pay $150 for your 2 bags. A 10 minute wait for free bags may be worth it.
Customer: (silence)
And that’s why I love Southwest!
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Submitted by Inray in Chicago

ANA flight from Chicago (ORD) to Tokyo (NRT)
Skeevy seatmate next to me (15B): Mmmmm, I think I am gonna enjoy this flight..
Me (15A): Oh? How so?
Skeevy Seatmate: Look at her (pointing at a FA’s behind… a very pretty lady btw), that is very yummy. I want a piece of that!
Me: (chuckled)
Flight Attendant: (turned around) Sir? Can I help you? Did you say something about yummy food on this flight?
Skeevy Seatmate: (Lets out an evil smile) Yes, I can’t wait.
Flight Attendant: Here’s the menu, please let me know what you want, and I will take your order very soon.
Me: (shaking my head in disbelief)
Skeevy Seatmate: (after the FA has left), where is the write-in for “you sitting on my lap” and where is the “desert” section…
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Submitted by Aaron in Philly courtesy of  4VFR

LaGuardia Airport 
While taxiing at LaGuardia the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
The irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: “US Air 3595, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s difficult for you to tell the difference between C’s and D’s, but get it right!”

Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: “God, you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 3595?”

“Yes ma’am,” the humbled crew responded.

Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 3595. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high.

Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked, “Wasn’t I married to you once?”
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Submitted by Michael in Los Angeles  

American Flight from JFK to Los Angeles (LAX)
Businessman Passenger: What do you do for a living?
Cute Girl Passenger: I’m an aspiring actress.
Businessman: So, basically what you’re saying is you’re a full-time waitress.

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Submitted by Henry in Stockholm courtesy of OHNY

Finnair Flight from JFK to Helsinki (HEL)
Finnair pilot: Dear passengers, this is your pilot speaking. I want to let you know that we are going to be taking an alternate route today for our direct flight to Finland. We will be flying over central Greenland to avoid the cloud of Icelandic ass.

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Submitted by Melissa in Santa Rosa, CA courtesy of OHNY

Female tourist in a fanny pack to another: Yeah, its pretty new. And look how big it is, and the only problem is that it shrinks when it gets wet.
Other sarcastic female tourist: That’s what she said.

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Submitted by Aaron in Philly courtesy of  4VFR

O’Hare (ORD)
The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty–do a complete circle, a move normally used to provide spacing between aircraft.
The pilot of the 727 complained, “Don’t you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?”
Without missing a beat the controller replied, “Roger, give me four thousand dollars’ worth.”

O’Hare (ORD)
O’Hare Approach Control: “United 610 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, eastbound.”!
United 610: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this…I’ve got that Fokker in sight.”

Comments

  1. In line at the snack shop in Abha ( Saudi regional airport)
    someone asked me what were those treats in the little bags on display.

    Before thinking I said looks like fried pork rinds.

    I could have sworn the background music and pa announcements stopped for an instant and all eyes were on me.

    ( turns out it was some form of fried pita bread)

    I then slunk off to the boarding area.

  2. ANA flight from Chicago (ORD) to Tokyo (NRT) – Skeevy Seatmate…

    Why do some people think that others are as rude as they are. Keep your comments to yourself.

  3. An odlie, but a goodie:

    Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
    Lufthansa (in German): “Ground, what is our start clearance time?”
    Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.”
    Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?”
    Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): “Because you lost the bloody war.”

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