What Your Flight Attendant Really Thinks of You

We’ve done a few of these before, but here’s the latest iteration of “What Your Flight Attendant is Really Thinking”:

1. You know that coffee you ordered? It’s actually decaf even though you asked for regular. We’d rather that you sit back, relax and fall asleep so you don’t bother us too much. Our airline sent around a memo wondering why the decaf supplies were going so fast, noting that decaf costs more than regular coffee.
2. When we “arm” the doors on your aircraft, each flight attendant checks the work of his colleague at the opposite door. You’ve heard it a million times: “arm doors and cross check.” Did you hear “crotch check?” It wasn’t your imagination. We get silly sometimes. And yes, despite all the cross checking, once in a great while we screw up and we forget to arm the doors, which means the emergency slides won’t automatically deploy if needed in an emergency. We can get fired for that.
3. Our airline used to pay us when we showed up for duty at the airport. That was eons ago. Then we got paid our measly hourly wage when the cabin doors closed. Then it was when the plane’s brakes were released. Now we get paid only when the wheels leave the ground (“wheels up” in airline parlance). We don’t even get paid when we’re taxiing! There can sometimes be hours of delay between the time we show up for work and when we’re airborne. Different airlines have different policies, but it’s a way for them to save money. So when we greet you at the door, we do that for free. When we serve you your pre-flight drink, we do that for free, too. No wonder our smiles are so fake.
4. If a flight is late, the airline might have to pay us overtime. If the flight is going to be late anyway, we’ve been known to delay it even further in order make sure overtime kicks in, which on our airline means up to double the hourly pay. We might find some minor defect in the aircraft or use some other ruse to make up for the money we don’t get paid waiting for take off.
5. Yes, we can upgrade you to business class or first class after the airplane’s doors close. No, we don’t do it very often, partly because on some airlines we have to file a report explaining why we did it, partly because there has to be a meal for you and partly because the forward cabins are often full. Who do we upgrade? Not the slob who’s dressed in a dirty tank top. It helps if you’re extremely nice, well dressed, pregnant, very tall, good looking, one of our friends or all of the above.
6. Please don’t take your computer and a newspaper into the lav. It’s gross and it means you’re going to be occupying it longer than you should.
7. Please don’t ask me what we’re flying over. I’m as clueless as you are. I am not flying the plane.
8. Yes, we do ask the captain to leave the seatbelt on long after the turbulence has ended so we can serve in the aisles.
9. On night flights, we sometimes hold off on meal service as long as we can so that you’ll be asleep and we’ll have less to do.
10. We really don’t like children. Not just your children, children period. Why do you think we chose a career where we spend half our lives away from home?

Check out the remainder of the list here courtesy of George Hobica of Airfarewatchdog.

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  1. Just as I thought. Very little here but hostility, an obnoxious sense of entitlement, and condescension. Here is what passengers think of flight attendants: The world does not owe you a living or supreme deference just because you think you deserve it. Don’t like your job or customers? Cowboy up and get another job.

  2. Alex (minus C): “Very little here but hostility, an obnoxious sense of entitlement, and condescension.”

    Perhaps because that’s the only thing flight attendants get from passengers all day, every day? Just a thought.

  3. Dee: Not buying it. The vast majority of passengers I have flown with simply want to be left alone and are quite passive. But again, if dealing with people is just too much, then GET ANOTHER JOB. Its really not hard. Or is the resentment toward passengers based on the fact that most flight attendants aren’t fit to do anything else?

  4. I am a flight attendant – I love children (including my own), truly love working with people, treat passengers as guests and as I would like to be treated, and am very well educated, as are most of my colleagues. Yes, there are those among us that are as you describe. Many of us have chosen this, not because we “aren’t fit to do anything else” (speaking of condescending!), but because it is a great life and a one of a kind experience. It saddens me to read these comments.

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