Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant: #1 – Attack of the Ambien Zombies

She blinked before realizing it was a totally nude man from coach, gunning straight for first class. Ambien Zombie! You never know what a stark-naked man might do if you don’t approach him the right way while on Ambien.

Thanks to Mark from Yahoo! for sharing a new weekly series called “Confessions of A Fed-Up Flight Attendant” written by “Betty”.  Here’s a snippet of the first entry from this past Monday, you can check out the full post here and a new one each Monday.

The biggest problem I face on planes today is the new wave of Ambien zombies.  In their real lives, these are probably nice, normal people who just want to get a little sleep on an airplane. Then they choose to take Ambien for the first time on a big metal tube hurtling through the sky after they throw back a couple of cocktails. The result is a horde of lumbering, slumbering zombie passengers wreaking havoc on the airplane.

We Call it “The Streak”

On a recent long-haul international night voyage another flight attendant noticed something unusually pale in the aisle. She blinked before realizing it was a totally nude man from coach, gunning straight for first class. She began to run after him and then hesitated. You never know what a stark-naked man might do if you don’t approach him the right way.

Upon closer inspection, my co-worker heaved a sigh of relief. He was just an Ambien zombie.

Here is what we have learned about the Ambien zombies: These folks are sleeping, which means they think they are at home and safe in their beds. When they are home and safe in their beds they think it is perfectly acceptable to take off all of their clothes.

The flight attendant needed to move the naked and hairy man. She poked him with just the tip of her finger, gently nudging him closer to the galley with every tap. When she retrieved his pants, she sternly commanded him: “You put your clothes on!” 

An hour later when the lights came back up, he sheepishly shuffled back to the galley and asked, “Did I do something weird last night?”  

Tired and unsure what to say, she didn’t mince words.

“You wandered around the plane butt-naked,” she replied.

The passenger hung his head. “I figured something was wrong,” he said, “when I woke up with my underwear in my hand.”

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