He said he had bad gas and didn’t want to disturb his seatmate. She asked what he was going to do with the coffee … put in his underwear? Nope. He said he was going to “sit on it to muffle the sounds!”
Betty continues spilling her secrets. Thanks to Mark from Yahoo! for sharing a new weekly series called “Confessions of A Fed-Up Flight Attendant” written by “Betty”. Below is the ninth entry from the series, you can check out the full post here and a new one each Monday.
Coffee to the Rescue
A friend of mine was working a flight on a 757 when she noticed a popular TV star board the aircraft. She was a fan of his show and noticed that he kept getting up from his first-class seat to use the restroom. After one of his numerous trips to the bathroom he asked her, “Can I ask you the craziest question you’ve ever heard?” He asked her if she would get him a coffee packet. She asked what he wanted it for. He said he had bad gas and didn’t want to disturb his seatmate. She asked what he was going to do with the coffee … put in his underwear? Nope. He said he was going to “sit on it to muffle the sounds!”
Spray it Away
After a long flight the airplane bathrooms can smell really bad. They are in constant use, and let’s face it, when people aren’t on their normal schedules their stomachs tend to revolt. Lots of flight attendants carry their own air freshener sprays since our jump seats are always near the bathrooms. One day a flight attendant was disgusted with the rank smell and got out her large aerosol air-freshening spray. She didn’t want to inhale any more of the stink than was necessary, so she only opened the door a tad and sprayed it up and down. The next thing she heard was coughing. A little old lady had gone into the bathroom and forgotten to lock the door.
Flatulence on Command
Flight attendants have a secret weapon hidden in their back pocket for the unruly or rude passenger. Because of the way the seats and the aisle are situated, if you were so inclined to “let one rip” near said mean passenger’s seat, it could make a definite impression. This is affectionately called “crop dusting.” I have never participated in crop dusting, but I know some fellow crew members who have.
One “colorful” flight attendant warned us before a flight that we shouldn’t be alarmed if we saw him with the medical oxygen mask on during the flight when most of the passengers had gone to sleep. We shouldn’t worry that there was anything wrong with him; he just hated all the gas passed on all night flights and the oxygen mask filters out some of the smell. We all thought he was joking till later during the night he was sitting on his jump seat wearing the oxygen mask and writing out Christmas cards!
Here’s hoping your next flight smells as fresh as a daisy!
- Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant: #1 – Attack of the Ambien Zombies
- Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant: #2 – More Nudity & Sleeping Pills
- Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant: #3 – The 15 Most Ridiculous Things People Say on a Plane
- Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant #4 –11 Strangest Things People Ask for on a Plane
- Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant #5 – What Happens in the Bathroom Doesn’t Stay in the Bathroom!
- Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant #6 – 15 Flying Tips That’ll Keep You Sane this Summer
- Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant #7 – Fecal Matter & Maxi Pads
- Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant #8 – Wheelchair Gaming the System
- Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant #9 – Peeing in Cups & Breastfeeding Cats
- Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant #10 – Drunks on a Plane
- Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant #11 – Tales From the Mile High Club
- 30 Pilots and Flight Attendants Confess their “Best Kept Flying Secrets”
- 16 Alarming Airline Secrets
- What Your Flight Attendant Really Thinks of You
- 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Flight Attendant
- 10 Signs You’re the Worst Person on Your Flight
- Nine Dirty Little Secrets of the Travel Industry
- 29 Things Your Pilot Won’t Tell You
- 7 Things Your Flight Attendant Wants You to Know
- What Do Flight Attendants Think of You…and your requests?
- The Unsurprising & Scary Confessions of a Regional Jet Pilot…sleeping in trailers at the airport
- How Much Do Singapore Airlines Flight Attendants Get Paid for Providing Great Service?
- Say What? Overheard on the Plane Edition 28 – Crazy Things Passengers Say to Flight Attendants