Hope everyone had a nice weekend, here we go with a few reader submitted entries…
Submitted by LexMktng1 – American flight from Kahului, Hawaii (OGG) to Los Angeles International, CA (LAX)
Female Passenger 1: You were in Hawaii all summer long? That’s awesome!
Female Passenger 2: It was great, until I realized it was time to come back.
Female Passenger 1: At least you got to spend the whole summer outside the country.
Submitted by RayTyson – courtesy of OHNY – JetBlue flight from Fort Lauderdale (FLL) to JFK
(Pilot welcome message) We’re on our way to New York where the weather is cold and icy, just like my prom date back in high school.
Submitted by Kevin One Liners Courtesy of OHNY:
American flight from LaGuardia (LGA) to Miami, FL (MIA) – Flight Attendant: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention I would very much appreciate it. My parents paid thousands of dollars to put me through college for a theater arts and communications degree, and since this is the only time the airline ever puts a microphone in my hand, I’m sure they would really appreciate it, too.
KLM flight From Amsterdam (AMS) to JFK
Female Passenger: Excuse me, I left my passport in the ladies’ room.
Male Flight Attendant: I’m sorry, madam, you’ll have to wait until we make our way down the aisle.
Female Passenger: But I need to get my passport.
Male Flight Attendant: I understand that but we cannot move this cart back far enough. We should be through in a few minutes.
Female Passenger: But it’s in the bathroom! What if someone takes it?
Male Flight Attendant: If it’s not in the bathroom when you get there, let one of us know and we’ll make an announcement.
Female Passenger: No, I can’t wait for that to happen, I have to go and get my passport now.
Male Flight Attendant: I understand, but as I’ve explained to you before, you must wait. Please return to your seat.
Female Passenger: Oh, you’re very nice. You know, in the United States, people don’t behave like that.
Male Flight Attendant: In the Netherlands people don’t dress like that.
United Flight from Los Angeles (LAX) to Honolulu (HNL)
Pilot: Welcome to Hawaii! I’m going to tell you all what my mom told me when I turned 18: get your bags and get out.
United Flight from Newark (EWR) to Chicago (ORD)
Pilot (after a bumpy landing): Ladies and gentlemen, that landing was not me or the plane. That was our co-pilot–he’s required to complete one landing a month. And he blew it. Welcome to Chicago.
Southwest Flight from Las Vegas (LAS) to Oakland (OAK)
Flight Attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, we have finally arrived at a gate. Please make sure you have all your personal belongings before you disembark: iPods, cell phones, BlackBerrys, small pets, sweaters, sunglasses, and since we just came from Las Vegas, wedding rings. Make sure you get those back on folks.
Qantas Flight from Sydney (SYD) to Melbourne (MEL)
Passenger to Attendant: Excuse me? They turned the movie off.
Attendant: Yes, we’re landing earlier than thought.
Passenger: Oh, but the movie wasn’t over.
Attendant: Sorry about that, but we need to turn it off for descent.
Passenger: But I was watching it!
Attendant: I am very sorry, but since we have started our descent…
Passenger, interrupting: But now I don’t know how it ends!
Attendant: They all lived happily ever after.
Delta flight from Los Angeles (LAX) to Honolulu (HNL)
Flight Attendant (bumping into a passenger with the beverage cart): Whoops, sorry! Woman driver!